


Secret Admirer

by Jencala



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, Gay, Gay Male Character, Lesbian Character, Love Confessions, Love Poems, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poetry, Romantic Fluff, Secret Admirer, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 13:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13682274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jencala/pseuds/Jencala
Summary: If it hadn’t been for all of the little things leading up to it, Remus may have dismissed it as a prank or even a sweet, but misguided, gesture so Remus wouldn’t feel left out on Valentine’s Day.  However, If he started to add up all the seemingly innocent occurrences that had been niggling the back of his mind for the last two months though - well maybe there was more to it than that.





	Secret Admirer

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my Tumblr Valentine's project.
> 
> Prompt sent in by Rachelletwin2: Sirius sending Remus an anonymous valentine, because he’s too scared to expose his feelings but knows Remus deserves love on this holiday. Remus can tell it’s from Sirius by his handwriting (or some other clue!) Thanks darling!

Valentine’s Day at Hogwarts was always a sight to behold; whether or not you cared for it was a different story. 

The entire castle had been decorated with a red and pink heart motif and the Great Hall looked as if a Cupid himself had decorated it, complete with tiny cherubs floating in the air above the high rafters, occasionally shooting down arrows that would explode in glittering confetti before they reached the students. The confetti, however, covered all of the tables and most of the students.  

It made Remus feel nauseated.

“Ugh this is a bit too much, don’t you think?”

Remus turned to Lily who had sat down next to him at the Gryffindor table.  “You mean you don’t buy into all of this love nonsense?”

Lily shrugged. “Love is all well and good, but these decorations are a bit over the top, don’t you think?”

“Well it  _would_ be nice not to have to pick the glitter out of my porridge.”

“I think it’s sweet!”  Dorcas supplied, sitting down across from Lily, Marlene sliding in next to her.

“You would, you big sap.” Marlene smiled, grabbing the platter of eggs from in front of Remus and serving both Dorcas and herself.  

Lily smirked. “I heard you both this morning exchanging gifts so I don’t think you should mock Dor for being the only sap.”

Marlene rolled her eyes as Dorcas grinned, giving her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.

“Did someone say something about gifts?”

Remus looked up to see James standing behind Lily, a huge smile on his face as he looked adoringly at his girlfriend of three months.  He presented her with a huge bouquet of flowers he had been hiding behind his back.

“Lilies for my Lily-flower.”

“Oh James, they’re beautiful!”  Lily pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and sat back down making room for him on her other side. “There’s so many different lilies here!”

James grinned. “Ah, but only one Lily is the most beautiful and special. You.”

Even Remus had to smile at that line.  Even though he didn’t enjoy this holiday, he was happy his mate had finally gotten the girl he’d been pining after for over six years.  He watched smiling as Lily blushed and kissed James again, exclaiming that he was too extravagant when he slipped a gold bracelet over her wrist.  

“Ah, young love! How sweet it is!”

Remus looked over at Sirius who had sat down across from him and was making exaggerated gagging motions over James and Lily’s display of affection.

Remus kicked him lightly in the shin. “Let Prongs have his moment, you cynical twat.”

Sirius flashed him a wry grin. “I am not cynical, my dear Moonbeam.  I just think this holiday is a bit overrated, don’t you think?”

Remus shrugged, his stomach clenching as Sirius’ stormy grey eyes met his.  “I guess it’s alright if you’ve got a partner, but I could do without all this confetti raining down.”

“Ah, but maybe Cupid will work his magic on you today, Moony!” Sirius winked. “You never know.”

Remus snorted. “Fat chance.”

He watched Sirius serve himself some breakfast and couldn’t help but fantasize that Sirius’ words would come true, though he was sure they wouldn’t.  Cupid would never be able to give him what his heart really wanted.   _Sirius_.  

Just then, the post owls swooped in delivering packages, letters and cards all over the Great Hall.  He was surprised when a large barn owl left three cards in front of him.  

“Blimey, Padfoot!  That’s an even bigger haul than last year!”

At Peter’s exclamation, Remus looked across at Sirius and the veritabel mountain of cards and packages owls had dropped in front of him.  Sirius was red-faced at the attention and shrugged it off.

“Just silly birds, you know how it is.” Sirius muttered.  He kept eating his breakfast and didn’t so much as look through his gifts.

Remus raised an eyebrow, perplexed at Sirius’ attitude when last year he had been gloating over all of the cards and love notes.  He’d been on a different date almost every night for the few weeks after Valentine’s that year.  Thinking back though, Remus couldn’t even remember the last time Sirius had mentioned going out with a girl in the last few months.  

“Everything alright, Padfoot?” Remus asked softly.

Sirius looked up, his expression guarded. “S’fine.  Just too much nonsense, is all.  But hey, look at you, Moony, you got some admirers too!”  

Remus blushed as their other friends looked over at his cards and teased him to start opening them.  He rolled his eyes, but obliged, tearing open the envelope of the first card.

He blushed as he read the first one and James snatched it out of his hand to read aloud. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I think you’re clever, and sexy too.  Moony, who is Calista Hutchins?”  

His friends laughed and Remus could feel his face get even redder. “She’s a Ravenclaw girl I tutored last semester.”  

He opened the second card and before he could even read it, Peter grabbed it and read the equally silly poem aloud. “Moony, this one’s from that Hufflepuff girl in your Runes class, isn’t it?”

Remus nodded, his cheeks burning from the attention and grabbed the third envelope before his friends could.  He opened it and took out a piece of parchment, turning so he could read it away from his friend’s prying eyes.

 _“I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,_  
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:     
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,     
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.  
  
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries     
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,     
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose     
from the earth lives dimly in my body.  
  
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,     
I love you directly without problems or pride:  
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,  
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,     
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,     
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

_Remus -  I want you to know that you are loved, today and every day, for who you truly are.”_

 

Remus stared at the slip of parchment for several moments, awestruck, before he realized James was calling his name.  

“Remus, mate!  What’s that one say?” James prodded.

Remus cleared his throat. “More of the same, yeah, just another poem.”

Lily eyed him suspiciously and before Remus could react, she had snatched the parchment from his hand and begun to read it silently.  

“Lily, no!”  Remus tried to grab the poem back, but Lily stood and moved out of his reach still reading silently.  

When she finished reading she turned to Remus, her eyes bright and a soft smile on her face. “Oh Remus…this is  _beautiful_.”

Remus flushed and took the parchment back. “It is and I can’t believe you took it from me.”

Lily placed her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry for that, I thought it was another silly poem, but that’s not silly at all, is it?”

Remus shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.  

“Oi, what’s so special about Remus’ Valentine?” Marlene called out.

“Well, for one, it’s a real love poem and more importantly, someone who knows Pablo Neruda.” Lily explained.

“Who?” James asked, his face twisted in confusion,

“He’s a Chilean poet.” Sirius offered.

They all turned to look at Sirius whose eyes widened at the scrutiny. “What?  I do read, you know?”

Remus sat back down and listened to his friends teasing and joking comments half-heartedly, but his focus was drawn to Sirius. He studied him as covertly as he could manage and was surprised to see how nervous his friend appeared.

Sirius’ cheeks were a bit flushed and he kept biting his lip.  He was engaged in conversation with Marlene and Dorcas, but he kept stealing glances at Remus when he thought he wasn’t looking.  He noticed how fidgety he seemed, his hands constantly moving, his foot tapping against the stone floor.  What clinched it for Remus was the way Sirius’ eyes kept straying to the parchment next to Remus’ plate.

If it hadn’t been for all of the little things leading up to it, Remus may have dismissed it as a prank or even a sweet, but misguided, gesture so Remus wouldn’t feel left out on Valentine’s Day.  However, If he started to add up all the seemingly innocent occurrences that had been niggling the back of his mind for the last two months though - well maybe there was more to it than that.

Remus had harbored a crush on Sirius for well over a year now and had done everything he could to keep it to himself; he knew there was no way Sirius could ever feel the same way.  His friendship was too important for Remus to risk losing, so Remus tried to act as if the mere sight of his best mate didn’t set his heart racing.

Over the last couple of months though, Sirius had become more attentive and Remus had to constantly remind himself that he was surely imagining things and reading into his actions more because of his own misguided feelings.  

He tried to tell himself that the lingering touches, the soft smiles, and the way Sirius seemed to be constantly everywhere he was was just his imagination wishing for what he couldn’t have. 

But this was just too much of a coincidence for him to ignore.

He recalled the night a month before when Sirius had plopped himself down on Remus’ bed next to him, complaining he was bored and for Remus to stop reading.  He had asked what was so interesting in his book and Remus had told him he was reading a volume of Pablo Neruda’s poetry. Sirius had scoffed at the thought of poetry and Remus had rolled his eyes and said that maybe one day he would really want to woo a girl and Neruda’s beautiful poetry could help. 

Sirius had rolled his eyes, but maybe - the thought alone had the butterflies in Remus’ stomach dancing.  

It was too great a coincidence though.  He knew there was only one way to find out.

Remus took a deep breath. “Hey Padfoot, want to go back to the tower and drop your haul off before we head to class?”

Sirius met his unwavering gaze and swallowed hard. “Sure, let’s go.”

Remus stood, grabbing his things and nodded to their friends before walking out of the Great Hall, Sirius right behind him.   The hallways were fairly empty as they made their way to Gryffindor tower and Remus decided to show some of the bravery his house was known for.

“You got quite the Valentine haul this year.”

Sirius nudged his arm. “You didn’t do so badly yourself.”

“Yeah, but you never even looked at anything you got.  Why is that?”

“It’s just the same thing every year, so why bother?”

Remus laughed softly. “Tired of all the attention the girls always shower you with?”

“Something like that.” Sirius mumbled.

“You know what’s funny though?” Remus asked. “You and I were just talking about Pablo Neruda last month and now today I get a love letter with some of his poetry in it.  Funny, isn’t it?”

He turned his head slightly and saw Sirius’ eyes widen momentarily. “Yeah, wow, what a coincidence, huh?”

Remus nodded. “They say there’s very few real coincidences in life.”

“Well, this must be one of those!  I mean, who knows how many people in Hogwarts are into Neruda’s sonnets, right?”

Remus stopped and grabbed Sirius’s arm. “Padfoot, you didn’t look at my letter and I never told you it was a sonnet.”

Sirius bit his lip, one eyebrow quirked. “Lucky guess?”

Remus let his arm go and sighed. “You sent me the letter, didn’t you?”

Sirius closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.  “Remus, I’m sorry, I -”

Remus cut him off, hurt that the man he was in love with could have so little regard for his feelings. “Did you think it was a good joke?”

“Joke?” Sirius’ face twisted in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Remus shook his head sadly. “Did you think I was so pathetic you had to send me a Valentine as a joke?  Or was it an ego boost so I would think someone actually cared about me?”

Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulders and met his sorrowful gaze. “Remus, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but that letter wasn’t a joke.  Yeah, I-I wrote it.  But it wasn’t a prank and it wasn’t an ego boost.”

Remus just stared at him, not willing to let himself believe what he so desperately wanted to be true. “I don’t understand.”

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, his fingers digging into Remus’ shoulders. “I wrote the letter because I couldn’t tell you how I felt otherwise.  I didn’t want to ruin our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way, but I had to try.  You can tell me to bugger off, you can tell me I’m a ridiculous twat, but I just…I knew you would figure it out with the poem.  I needed to see if there was even the smallest chance -”

Remus cut him off again, this time by pressing his lips to Sirius’.

Sirius responded immediately, his mouth slanting over Remus’, one hand moving from his shoulder to tangle in his tawny curls.  

The kiss was brief, but it was enough to make Remus’ head spin.  He pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against Sirius’.  “You  _are_ a ridiculous twat, Padfoot.”

Sirius huffed a laugh. “I am, aren’t I?”

Remus pressed his lips to Sirius’ once more and pulled back to smile into the dazed grey eyes. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are love. :-)


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